I've been wanting to write a post like this for a while but the timing never felt right, or I just wanted to write about something else.... but better late than never, right? And what a great time to write it, the week before Valentine's Day!
Love is something I have always loved. I was and still am, kind of obsessed with it. I was always a hopeless romantic; my favorite movies are romantic comedies, and I love a good super couple. Growing up, the adults in my life didn't set the best examples but I found really fantastic examples of good, healthy relationships through my friends. Almost every single one of my 'home' friends have been in relationships since we were teenagers... and they're all getting married within the next year. I love them so much.
I was always the single girl. I didn't have a real boyfriend until two years ago... we could get technical and say I had a boyfriend in college but, well, we won't. I always chased the boys who didn't like me, or just preferred my friends. I got very used to third, fifth, or ninth wheeling throughout my teenage years but once I got to college, I started to feel the pressure of being alone, even though none of my college friends had boyfriends.
I craved male attention, I craved a relationship, I craved someone I could simply be with. I just wanted to experience that for once in my life... and I did and it was amazing. It taught me what love felt like and it also taught me a lot about what I needed from a partner. It taught me what I wanted and what I didn't want... but those lessons came much later and I think I'm still learning them.
When I got into my first real relationship in 2018, I thought I had found it. I was happy, probably the happiest I'd ever been and things seemed great. We never fought, we laughed, we got along great, we had enough in common and everything felt easy.
Clearly that wasn't the case because I was completely blindsided by the breakup that happened in early March 2020, right before the pandemic hit. I was gutted, I was stunned and thrown off guard. We never spoke after the breakup even though I desperately needed closure but you know, I got over it and I truly feel like the pandemic helped that. I was able to grieve and heal at my own pace... it truly couldn't have come at a better time.
Everyone was home, I had so much other stuff to worry about and I didn't need to concern myself with dating or 'putting myself out there'. It wasn't until mid-summer that it hit me... I was ghosted by someone I thought I loved and it was a jarring feeling. Sometimes it still hits me, out of the blue, that I spent almost two years with someone I never truly knew. It'll take a lot of you... going through something like that.
I never really understood what anyone meant when they said relationships taught you lessons. It wasn't until this year that I realized that I've learned quite a few lessons: You will know when you are in love and when someone loves you. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Don't make excuses, don't ignore the red flags, and don't settle. In the words of Stormi Webster, patience is a virtue. Good things come to those who wait. I truly believe all of those things.
Over the years, I've realized that I need to just be patient. For years, for basically my entire life, I went searching for love, for a man to love me, and I've found it before. I lost it, but I found it and I know I will find it again. The relationships before came when I least expected it, when I wasn't looking for someone, when they just fell into my lap and it was beautiful. I'm not destined to be alone, no one is, and I know that I will find love again.
As Valentine's Day approaches, I'm in a much different place versus last year but I'm also in a much different headspace than I was even a few months ago. I've accepted that I'll be alone for now and maybe when I least expect it, someone will come along and change everything... the way men before have changed everything for me.
In honor of Valentine's Day, below are a few of my favorite love quotes, all from Pinterest, and all from my love quote board so appropriately named "Ever Thine, Ever Mine, Ever Ours". See, I told you I'm a hopeless romantic!
xoxo
B
