It's that time of year when I get a little antsy and want to redecorate, declutter and get a new wardrobe. I also feel the need to declutter my life, find new organization systems and make a change. I'm just tired of feeling the same way, going through the same motions and not being present for life.

I want to find the things that bring me joy, find a better balance and just be more clear with my intentions in all areas of my life. That being said, I might take a little break from the blog. My heart has not been in it for the past year and I do not want to let it go, so I've been holding on for dear life. I don't want to hold onto something that isn't serving me anymore and I think I just need a creative spark back.

We'll see how long this lasts but in the meantime, be sure to follow me on all the things:

• Substack
• Instagram
• Threads
• TikTok 

This week was actually pretty solid, and I'm very thankful for that. It started out in a blah way, only because it was the 9 year anniversary of my dad passing away. I've catalogued my relationship with grief many times over the course of 9 years and while it has gotten easier, not a day goes by that I don't think about my dad. 

It's a strange feeling, to know that you will never see someone again and that they are going to miss all the big moments in your life. I can't write about it too much otherwise I will start to cry and maybe never stop, but it's just sad.

Last weekend my family and I celebrated my baby cousin's 1st birthday, who actually was born on the anniversary of my dad's death. This child is my dad's great nephew, and wow, would he have loved being a great uncle. He loved kids and he would love to see his nephew, my cousin, as a dad. It makes me sad that they will never never know him, and vice versa. 

Grief is a fickle thing but it's all grounded in love.

Moving on... 

My team and I moved at work so I was in a new area of the office with people I usually email with and see over Teams but never interact with in person, so it was fun and interesting. It made work a little more enjoyable and interesting. 

This weekend is going to be another busy one; going dress shopping with my mom for my sister's wedding, hanging out with friends and overall just getting things done while also finding time to socialize. 

Enough yapping, let's get into the roundup.

 This week was better than the last few and for that I am grateful. I still feel slightly disconnected from reality but I think that is just the pollen count going from nonexistent to medium in the span of two days.

While I was super productive this week, my creativity feels like it's at an all time low and I don't really know how to solve that. It feels like the older I get, the more it slips away from me and that is very scary. Everything that used to be important to me takes a back seat now and it needs to be solved, I need to do better by myself.

In other news, last night I was at dinner with my family, today was spent running errands in my new car that I love so much, and tomorrow is another family get together. For the rest of the day, I just want to unwind, write, clean and do what I have to do. 

Let's get into the roundup.

 Happy Saturday! I'm tardy again with my blog post, and just tardy for everything in my life. It was another hellish week that nearly broke me but the sun is shining, it's freezing out and I have an Oura ring sleep score of 80. 

What I'm starting to realize is I need a better work-life balance; I need a better organization system, and I need to learn to handle stress better. I didn't think those were issues I had but it seems to be affecting me more and more, so I'll need to figure that out.

I also need to figure out how to make time for the things that bring me joy, or truly figure out what does bring me joy. I've slacked so much with the blog over the past year, as well as content creation as a whole -- what does that say about me? Creating has been the one constant in my life for over a decade, I don't want to give it up but maybe I need to figure out how it fits back into my life...or just stop being lazy because I think that's what it ultimately comes down too.

My screen time has gotten really bad so if I could just put the phone down, maybe I could pick up my computer and write. I'm continually hitting my 'rock bottom' in all areas of life but can never pull myself up high enough to get it together. What will be my breaking point? 

That concludes my existential crisis for the week, let's get into the roundup!

 Wow, what a week. I feel like I haven't been able to breathe for the past few until now. I know I keep saying it, but work has been so busy and we've finally crossed the finish line. It feels so good to decompress, to relax and just lean into the slowness. It also helps that I have a 3-day weekend (3.5 if you count the fact that I had a half day of work on Friday, which I kind of worked through). 

Yesterday, I went to my cousin's baby shower and it was such a nice day with family. Afterwards, my sister and I went to my mom's house and hung around for most of the day and then we had a sleepover. Now, I need to actually get my life together -- go grocery shopping, pay bills, organize and clean my home, and just do adult things.

Let's get into the roundup.

This week seemed better than the past few, didn't it? There were lots of protests, lots of slamming President Musk in court and I stayed off social media, so I kept my sanity. I weirdly cried a lot and was overly emotional about a lot of things but it felt net positive.

After a really busy, and incredible Thursday at work where we hosted a bunch of influencers, I'm looking forward to staying home all weekend. I want to relax, read, watching television and snuggle under a blanket. I want to be present and calm, but that's really all I ever want.

I also want to gear up for another really busy week at work because I have a video shoot with more influencers, which is going to be so fun but very stressful. Then, lots of social events are planned for the coming months so I want to try to be as present in my mind and body as possible. 

Let's get into the roundup!

I don't understand how it's still January, I don't understand how so much has happened in 31 days the past two weeks. This is a bad dream I want to wake up from.

Besides the world falling down around us, my head has been spinning in every direction. I have not felt connected to my body, I feel like I'm floating and just unable to keep up with everything going on. I was doing good, and then I slipped, letting my guard down and letting myself get sucked back into the digital void. 

It doesn't help that I started reading Fourth Wing over the weekend and am already almost halfway through Onyx Storm, so my sense of reality is all screwed up. I always tend to have a little bit of an outer body experience when I get sucked into a good book series, and this is no different.

I was busy all last weekend (with all positive things) and the same goes for this weekend. Work has been insane and we have a really intense two weeks coming up; I am just racing to the finish line and I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like I'm not living, I'm just going through the motions, checking items off a to-do list and crossing days off the calendar. I hate that feeling and I vowed that 2025 would be different...but that's really difficult when you're in fight or flight mode at all hours of the day because your world is evaporating before your eyes.

That's why I haven't blogged, why I haven't written any of my book draft, why a YouTube video sits half edited in my iMovie queue and why I can't even find it in me to press post on a TikTok video. I am frozen and I don't know how to unfreeze myself.

That was a lot, and I apologize but I just needed to get it all out.

I'm hoping that a really nice weekend with family and friends will do my body, mind and spirit better so we will see. Let's get into the roundup.

 It is January 80th. No one is sane. Half of the country is frozen, the other is still burning. We live in hell. Why is it that 4 day work weeks are always longer than 5 day weeks? I don't understand how we still have an entire week left of January...it doesn't make any sense. 

This was a very hard week, with a lot of news flying at us and truly, in the blink of an eye, our entire world changed. It's horrible but please take care of yourself, your loved ones and stay off social media. I might do an entire post either here or on Substack about social media and the state of the world. 

Speaking of social media, TikTok went away for only 14 hours this weekend and it nearly caused me to have a heart attack. I could not handle the uncertainty that came along with it, and all the implications that came along with it. The doomsday narratives, the doomscrolling, it was all too much for me which is why I'm happy to say that I have spent minimal time on TikTok since it was brought back.

And it feels good.

But more on that later, let's get into the roundup.

I cannot believe it is only January 17th. This year has been 500 weeks long and we are only in the 2nd full week. This week was very hard, for a variety of reasons and truthfully, I just want it to be January 21st. I want to get the inauguration over with and I want to know what the hell is happening with the TikTok ban. 

It's a horrible game of limbo that we're all in, and my anxiety manifests itself when it feels uncertainty in the air. I also need to get better about protecting my peace and not seeking out the things that cause me anxiety. 

I'm going to do my best to relax and find some sort of peace this weekend. Lord knows I need it.