Sophie Cousens is one of my favorite romance authors; she writes such beautiful stories with flawed main character that intertwine love and life. Cousens has a really wonderful way of making romance a key part of the story without having it be the only thing that matters to the characters. 

Her characters are always at odds with some other part of their life that ties into romance. It makes the story more real, more relatable, more raw and she does it with style, with high emotions, eccentric side characters and humor. 

I will read anything Sophie Cousens writes and one of her more recent novels, "Before I Do" is no exception. 

I had an ARC of Before I Do but never got around to reading it until now; jokes on me because I loved it!

 As a followup to my Tuesday Inspiration post from a few weeks ago, I thought I'd talk about what it's like to be single, and actively trying not be single, during a pandemic.

I was broken up with at the start of the pandemic and felt so relieved of the timing of it all. Having to grieve a relationship while locked up at home as the world fell apart around us was oddly comforting. As an introvert, as someone who loves love and loves being in a relationship, the idea that I could just mourn the breakup without having to 'put myself out there' or force myself to go to bars and try to actively meet someone was refreshing.

I didn't have to listen to my mom or my friends tell me to buck up and get out there. Is there anything more annoying than people telling you what to do with your love life? I am an extremely shy person when it comes to relationships - I'm borderline prudish because I always want a relationship. I am not someone who is a casual dater or just wants a random hookup. I want a true, deep connection and I like to go at my own pace. It takes time for me to warm up to people, to see if I really like them, and if I find them worth it.

For someone who doesn't date a lot, I know exactly the type of 'dater' I am. 

That's why lockdown was perfect for me - I felt like I could be exactly who I wanted with no pressure because we couldn't go anywhere! I was able to have the best of both worlds: getting over my relationship while staying home without regret, and yet still being able to make connections with guys on dating apps. 

There was no pressure and it was glorious.

However, once things started opening up in the early summer months, it became a little more touch and go. I was finally having to break out of my cocoon and face the music - I was single and I needed to figure out how to navigate that world again.

Credit: Styled Stock Society

I talked to a ton of guys over the spring, summer, and fall months but didn't go out with any of them; they were all a bit strange or moving a little too fast and just didn't feel worthy of my time. Then things got bad again in the winter, indoor dining shut down and the holidays came hard and fast. I also wasn't in the best mental state so I put dating on the back burner. 

Everyone is struggling right now in the dating department - how do you date during a pandemic? 

• Make sure the person you're thinking about going out with is taking the pandemic seriously. Masks, social distancing, etc. 
• Rely a little more heavily on text communication (or calls/face time but I'm not about that life). If you want to play it safe, technology is going to have to play a role
• Be more selective; don't go out with every guy to limit your exposure to the virus
• Don't let anyone tell you how to feel or that you should give every person a chance - go with your gut
• Don't put pressure on yourself if someone is making you feel uncomfortable, whether that is over text or in person
• If you're getting weird vibes from someone pre-date, don't waste your time

I've been wanting to write a post like this for a while but the timing never felt right, or I just wanted to write about something else.... but better late than never, right? And what a great time to write it, the week before Valentine's Day! 

Love is something I have always loved. I was and still am, kind of obsessed with it. I was always a hopeless romantic; my favorite movies are romantic comedies, and I love a good super couple. Growing up, the adults in my life didn't set the best examples but I found really fantastic examples of good, healthy relationships through my friends. Almost every single one of my 'home' friends have been in relationships since we were teenagers... and they're all getting married within the next year. I love them so much.

I was always the single girl. I didn't have a real boyfriend until two years ago... we could get technical and say I had a boyfriend in college but, well, we won't. I always chased the boys who didn't like me, or just preferred my friends. I got very used to third, fifth, or ninth wheeling throughout my teenage years but once I got to college, I started to feel the pressure of being alone, even though none of my college friends had boyfriends. 

I craved male attention, I craved a relationship, I craved someone I could simply be with. I just wanted to experience that for once in my life... and I did and it was amazing. It taught me what love felt like and it also taught me a lot about what I needed from a partner. It taught me what I wanted and what I didn't want... but those lessons came much later and I think I'm still learning them.

When I got into my first real relationship in 2018, I thought I had found it. I was happy, probably the happiest I'd ever been and things seemed great. We never fought, we laughed, we got along great, we had enough in common and everything felt easy.

Clearly that wasn't the case because I was completely blindsided by the breakup that happened in early March 2020, right before the pandemic hit. I was gutted, I was stunned and thrown off guard. We never spoke after the breakup even though I desperately needed closure but you know, I got over it and I truly feel like the pandemic helped that. I was able to grieve and heal at my own pace... it truly couldn't have come at a better time. 

Everyone was home, I had so much other stuff to worry about and I didn't need to concern myself with dating or 'putting myself out there'. It wasn't until mid-summer that it hit me... I was ghosted by someone I thought I loved and it was a jarring feeling. Sometimes it still hits me, out of the blue, that I spent almost two years with someone I never truly knew. It'll take a lot of you... going through something like that. 

I never really understood what anyone meant when they said relationships taught you lessons. It wasn't until this year that I realized that I've learned quite a few lessons: You will know when you are in love and when someone loves you. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Don't make excuses, don't ignore the red flags, and don't settle. In the words of Stormi Webster, patience is a virtue. Good things come to those who wait. I truly believe all of those things. 

Over the years, I've realized that I need to just be patient. For years, for basically my entire life, I went searching for love, for a man to love me, and I've found it before. I lost it, but I found it and I know I will find it again. The relationships before came when I least expected it, when I wasn't looking for someone, when they just fell into my lap and it was beautiful. I'm not destined to be alone, no one is, and I know that I will find love again. 

As Valentine's Day approaches, I'm in a much different place versus last year but I'm also in a much different headspace than I was even a few months ago. I've accepted that I'll be alone for now and maybe when I least expect it, someone will come along and change everything... the way men before have changed everything for me. 

In honor of Valentine's Day, below are a few of my favorite love quotes, all from Pinterest, and all from my love quote board so appropriately named "Ever Thine, Ever Mine, Ever Ours". See, I told you I'm a hopeless romantic! 

xoxo
B