As a followup to my Tuesday Inspiration post from a few weeks ago, I thought I'd talk about what it's like to be single, and actively trying not be single, during a pandemic.

I was broken up with at the start of the pandemic and felt so relieved of the timing of it all. Having to grieve a relationship while locked up at home as the world fell apart around us was oddly comforting. As an introvert, as someone who loves love and loves being in a relationship, the idea that I could just mourn the breakup without having to 'put myself out there' or force myself to go to bars and try to actively meet someone was refreshing.

I didn't have to listen to my mom or my friends tell me to buck up and get out there. Is there anything more annoying than people telling you what to do with your love life? I am an extremely shy person when it comes to relationships - I'm borderline prudish because I always want a relationship. I am not someone who is a casual dater or just wants a random hookup. I want a true, deep connection and I like to go at my own pace. It takes time for me to warm up to people, to see if I really like them, and if I find them worth it.

For someone who doesn't date a lot, I know exactly the type of 'dater' I am. 

That's why lockdown was perfect for me - I felt like I could be exactly who I wanted with no pressure because we couldn't go anywhere! I was able to have the best of both worlds: getting over my relationship while staying home without regret, and yet still being able to make connections with guys on dating apps. 

There was no pressure and it was glorious.

However, once things started opening up in the early summer months, it became a little more touch and go. I was finally having to break out of my cocoon and face the music - I was single and I needed to figure out how to navigate that world again.

Credit: Styled Stock Society

I talked to a ton of guys over the spring, summer, and fall months but didn't go out with any of them; they were all a bit strange or moving a little too fast and just didn't feel worthy of my time. Then things got bad again in the winter, indoor dining shut down and the holidays came hard and fast. I also wasn't in the best mental state so I put dating on the back burner. 

Everyone is struggling right now in the dating department - how do you date during a pandemic? 

• Make sure the person you're thinking about going out with is taking the pandemic seriously. Masks, social distancing, etc. 
• Rely a little more heavily on text communication (or calls/face time but I'm not about that life). If you want to play it safe, technology is going to have to play a role
• Be more selective; don't go out with every guy to limit your exposure to the virus
• Don't let anyone tell you how to feel or that you should give every person a chance - go with your gut
• Don't put pressure on yourself if someone is making you feel uncomfortable, whether that is over text or in person
• If you're getting weird vibes from someone pre-date, don't waste your time

It is time for another installment of the first time dating series! This month we're tackling the ever confusing and frustrating topic of communication.

I remember when I first realized that men and women are inherently different. It was 2015, I was listening to Bethenny Frankel's book "I Suck At Relationships So You Don't Have Too" and was in a bad place with my pseudo-relationship. I was looking for anything to wake me up and instill some wisdom in me.

One of the main messages in the book was that men and women are different in a lot of ways but are very different when it comes to communication and thinking. It was at that moment that I realized that maybe sometimes people aren't being rude on purpose, it's just that you expect everyone to communicate the way you do but that is not the case.

Everyone, man and women, communicate differently and it's our job to learn how people in our lives communicate and tailor it to what you're comfortable with.

Communication is obviously a huge part of any relationship but especially romantic relationships and to me, communication is the most important thing. I think it is because it's my love language -- I like to talk and be reassured verbally of the relationship. That is definitely because, in my past pseudo-relationship, I didn't get that at all.

It's important to me that I'm told that I'm cared for but also that someone is responding to me. Whether it is verbally, by text or phone calls, I need to have written/verbal confirmation of something.

However, in my current relationship, it is incredibly different.



At the beginning of our relationship, my boyfriend made it pretty clear that he is not a phone person. He doesn't like to text, he isn't on social media, and can pretty much go days without touching his phone. Because of this, we don't talk a ton during the week. I can go a few days without talking to him and that is totally ok! I've always been a big believer that you don't have to talk to someone daily to have a relationship, whether that is platonic or romantic.

As I mentioned before, previously, I was in a place where I wanted to talk every day because it was reassuring to me. I felt that if he was talking to me, he wasn't talking to anyone else; if he wasn't talking to me, then he was mad at me or going to break up with me. I needed him to always talk to me, I need to be reassured.

That isn't the case now! If I don't talk to my boyfriend for a few days, I know that it's not because he doesn't want to talk to me, or because he's mad at me... it's because that's just not his style and in turn, it's become my style. I don't necessarily have anything to say to someone every single day. Sometimes I don't even want to talk to my mom, sister or friends. Most days, especially lately, I just want to be left alone so it's been working out!

I am so secure with my relationship that the idea of not talking every day doesn't bother me, and because when we're together, we connect so much better! We have so much to talk and laugh about, it's so refreshing. However, most weeks we will have a phone conversation to catch up and that's really nice.

Just because we don't talk constantly doesn't mean we don't communicate... we just communicate better in person than over technology! It works for us and that is the best part of relationships --you do what is best for you and your significant other. My friends and family think it's really weird but it works and I love that.

When I say communication I mean talking about life, interests, catching up but I also mean telling each other when something is bothering you. If he did something that bothered me the wrong way, I'll tell him. A few weeks ago I was feeling pretty nuts and told him that I was feeling insecure and he reassured me that things were ok. Being able to be comfortable in a relationship where you can talk about anything you are feeling is so important and it makes me so happy to be able to do that.

As long as you're communicating in the best way for both of you, then what is wrong with that? Communication is probably the 2nd most important thing to me, other than trust because without communicating, what do you have? Nothing.

What is your advice for communicating in a relationship?
xoxo
B

I mean, Happy Valentine's Day to all those ladies in relationships too! However, I feel like my bitter single girls need some extra love today.

Yes, we had Galentine's Day yesterday but today is the real day, the one everyone cares about. I've been single on all but two Valentine's Day and those don't even really count. I've never liked this holiday because it's just a reminder that I'm alone.

I don't talk about dating a lot on this blog because, to be honest, I don't go out on dates. I've had one semi-relationship that I don't want to talk about, for personal reasons.

I just got ghosted by another guy I was seeing (I'm upset about it) and I've been on dating apps a lot but nothing has really come to fruition. Maybe as I become more comfortable, I can share more.

However, I think all you single gals should celebrate Valentine's Day with your friends, family, and anyone who you love.

Quay Heart Sunglasses Heart Pillow Heart Pajamas Open Heart Necklace Kate Spade Heart Earrings Black Heart Bag

I'm spending the day at work and then coming home for a Lobster Tail dinner with my mom & sister, and I even made chocolate covered strawberries for us! I will also spend the night blogging & writing, doing the things I love.

I also love all of you who read this daily so Happy Valentine's Day!
xoxo
B

I have expressed my love for Bethenny Frankel on the blog before and with her return to Real Housewives of New York this season, the love has not gone anywhere.

That love was further reinstated when I listened to her newest book "I Suck At Relationships So You Don't Have To". I was weary of listening to this only because I didn't know what to expect. I thought it was all about warning signs and maybe some stuff I couldn't relate too. There were definitely some things that I couldn't grasp because I've never been married (nor have I had an ACTUAL boyfriend) and I surely haven't been divorced but the nonetheless, this was an extremely helpful book.

Listening to Bethenny read you the book is even better. Hearing her voice and hearing everything explained to you seems so much better than just reading about it. I feel like I was able to absorb a lot of the information a whole lot better.

The book is set up into 10 chapters, each chapter a different "tip". Throughout the book, Bethenny's therapist puts his own input in, and either contradicts what Bethenny says or agrees with her. If you've followed Bethenny's journey and know her well, you know she can be hard on herself and is very strongly opinionated so having her therapist offer his advice was an added bonus.

A lot of people may not agree with what Bethenny says, a lot of it puts down men and simplifies them down to sex, sports, food, and work... but I mean, there's some truth there.

In my opinion, Bethenny does no wrong and I truly trust her opinion--she is hands down one of my role models, for her business success, but also I feel like we are similar in a lot of ways so I can really relate to her (even if she is 20 years older than me).



I'll be honest, I listened to this book over a month ago so I don't remember everything but it is one of the most valuable books I've ever had come into my life. When I would listen on the train, I would have to stifle a smile because everything I was hearing was SO true! It was amazing...it was like having an epiphany every single time I listened to the book.

A lot of the book may be lessons you already know about relationships, some may not apply to you, and some you may not agree with but I have to say, Bethenny knows what she's talking about. She has a firm grip on the subject and uses her own relationships as examples.

A few things stuck out to me the most, some of which were repeated the most in the book, were this.

1. Men & women are drastically different: What is important to a woman may not be important to a man. We think differently, we express emotions differently, we want and need different things. We are total opposites. While you, as a woman, may think something is a huge deal, your boyfriend won't even know that was a "thing." This isn't bashing men, because maybe some men are more sensitive than others, but the way Bethenny explains it is just so true.

2. Stop overthinking: Women are natural over-thinkers and we create scenarios up in our head. We convince ourselves that these scenarios are true and we get mad because we have convinced ourselves that these scenarios are true. Sometimes, we expect people to react a certain way because we have convinced ourselves that they will, then we get upset/mad or are pleasantly surprised when that person reacts differently from what is in our head. I do this in all aspects of life and to listen to Bethenny say this is natural for women, made me feel better. I mean, we should still  all try to not to do this but we're all in the same boat which is reassuring.

3. Think & breathe before you act: Have you ever seen something that has made you so irrationally mad that you need to take care of it right then and there? Raise your hand if this is you! (*raising hand*). Have you ever wanted to just fix something you're upset about and not let it sit and fester? (*raising two hands*). When I'm upset, I need it to be fixed immediately. I don't like to sit and think about it for too long because I just make myself more upset and more angry. Women are fixers and we like to get shit done immediately. When we see a problem, we want immediate results. Men aren't like this, some women aren't even like this, but then again, some are. Bethenny recommends waiting one day before approaching the problem. Think rationally, let it sit, think about all the possibilities. Don't just unleash a world of anger and emotion all at once. Think about what the problem is and approach that one issue--don't lump your problems together and unleash a rath of fury. Take some time to get your emotions in check. Never fight when you're emotional.

There were so many other amazing lessons in the book, I can't remember them all, but those three are what I related to the most and I think I will keep them with me for a long time.

I would HIGHLY recommend this to EVERYONE. Seriously, if you're just starting out dating, just getting out of a relationship, in between boyfriends, or in a serious, committed relationship--everyone and anyone I think could get some enlightenment and advice from this book.

Have you read this book? Any other relationship books you have read and loved? Tell me in the comments!

"Don't laugh at me, but maybe we could be each other's soul mates. Then we could let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with."