Well, I'm officially 'in my 30s' and I don't know how I feel about it. I've written so many thought provoking birthday and milestone posts over my past 11 years blogging, and right now I don't even have the words. 

Turning 30 didn't scare me as much as 28 or 29 so I don't think I expected 31 to feel this way. It's strange, it doesn't feel real. It feels like time is going by too fast and I can't quite catch it in my hands. It feels like it's constantly slipping through my fingers and it feels morbid. It feels like I don't have enough time to live, it feels like there is a countdown clock hanging above my head, ticking until it gets down to the wire.

Realistically and logically, I know that's not true but there's something inside me that doesn't feel quite right. 

In my head, I'm 17 years old. I'm no older than 20, that's for sure, and I don't physically feel like I'm getting older. Sure, I could use some botox, but I don't think I'm aging. I feel the same way I felt physically at 23. 

It doesn't feel real that 10 years have passed since I turned 21 and could legally drink. Now my friends are married and they're having babies, and I'm still in this weird in-between place. I don't feel ready to get married nad have a family, which doesn't really matter because I'm single and haven't swiped on a dating app in months. 

Today I turn 30 years old and I am a lot calmer than I thought I was going to be. My 20s were not pretty and if you've followed me since my 20th birthday, you know it hasn't been a walk in the park. 

I've gone through a deep depression, struggled with my mental health, lost a lot of people in my life including my father, had my heart broken a few times and struggled in my career. My 20s were not carefree and fun, they were painful and filled with more life lessons than I'd care to admit. 

I think that is why I'm so welcoming of this new decade. 

Today is my 29th birthday. In one year, I will be a 30-year-old woman and I don't know how to feel about that. I think the past two years have really been clouded with the thought of me leaving behind my twenties and entering this new phase in life. This new, mature, wise age never really felt within my reach.

For years, I waited for the milestone birthdays: 13 years old, 16, 18, 20, 21, and 25. 30 felt so far away, so beyond my grip that I kind of just never thought I'd get there. I don't think of myself as getting older because truthfully, I feel 18 in my head. I don't consider myself an adult because it just doesn't feel real... I still feel like me.

I live at home, I have a great career, I have my blog, I do a lot of writing, I see my friends, I stay home and watch TV most weekends. Things just haven't really panned out how I thought they would but truthfully, I didn't plan much throughout my twenties.

My early 20s were plagued by anxiety, depression, grief, heartbreak. I had an incredible senior year of college where I was young, wild, and free. Then, post-grad I still felt that way but it was different; my friends and I were mourning our old lives but somewhere along the way, that stopped and we stopped reminiscing. The memories faded and became foggy and I didn't feel like that person anymore.

I stopped drinking a lot, spent more time alone, got into a new relationship, and truly reconnected with my 'home' friends that I grew up with. Things changed a lot in the past decade and the image I had of my life at 29 years old is just not what I thought.

I do not have a boyfriend/fiance/husband. I do not have my own apartment. I have not published a book. I have not gotten rid of my anxiety and depression. I have not learned to stop shopping so much. Things are kind of the same they were at the beginning of the decade and it takes a lot for me to admit how disappointed I am in that. 

Last year's 28th birthday was a low point for me. It was the first one without my boyfriend in two years, we were in the middle of the pandemic, I was having suicidal thoughts, and I could barely keep it together. I was in the lowest point of my life, probably lower than when I graduated college. It was not a happy birthday and I was determined to fix things in the year ahead.

And you know what? I did. While I might not have all of those other things that I listed before a lot has changed in the past year:

• I started going out on dates more, even if the guys I do like ghost me half the time
• I got a better handle on my anxiety and depression by finding a new therapist and working with her to improve my moods
• I've been less angry about the world and people around me
• I go to the gym more and eat better on a daily basis
• I meditate more and have developed better routines
• I'm a better worker and got a promotion and raise this year, proving that I am an asset to my company
• I am almost finished writing two books
• I read more than ever -- hitting almost 80 books in 2021
• I found a great book community on Instagram and Facebook
• I found a great Stoney Clover community on Instagram and Facebook
• I have a better idea of what I want to do with my life: write, read, and write some more!
• I realized that I truly love creating content and want to immerse myself more into this space and work dam hard at it
• I love being around my friends and can step outside my comfort zone to travel more
• I've stopped looking for things that make me upset on social media and elsewhere
• I am on a journey to be a more positive person

The past year really hasn't been as bad as I thought. I have a lot of good around me and I'm learning to not be on everyone else's timeline. I don't really need a significant other to be happy. Maybe I never want to get married and have kids -- who knows! I am doing my best to live my life the way I want, to be the person I know I want to be... it just takes a lot of work.

No one is on the same wavelength. Just because I am the only single person in my friend group doesn't mean I am less than. For my entire life I have put being in a relationship on a pedestal, thinking that's the only thing that will ever fulfill me but really, I have a very full life. I am also very lucky that my best friends don't make me ever feel self-conscious about my single life, which I think is not the case for a lot of people.

I also take solace in knowing that life can change at any given moment. I can meet the love of my life tomorrow. I can have a book published in three months. Anything can happen at any time and truly, I only have the power to change that. It all gives me hope! 

So today, as I enter my 29th year of life, I remain hopeful that the life I want is out there and that I have the ability to make all my dreams come true. And also that my life does not have to look like everyone else's to be full. I do not have to live by societal standards to be happy and feel like I'm worth something. I'm perfectly fine on my own! 

This was quite the tangent but it was very therapeutic. Here's to making 29 a great year and a great farewell to my twenties! 

xoxo
B

Today is my birthday so Happy Birthday to me! I'm 26 years old, closer to 30 than I am to 20 and that is a scary, horrible thought. My twenties have not been what I expected but 25 was better than most years!

During the past 365 days, I feel like I accomplished a lot while finding myself and finding more happiness. I got a promotion, published more writing, hooked some pretty cool brand deals, started dating someone, became more of myself while being less apologetic for who I am, and started making a plan for my life, in some way.

The past 6 years have been weird; graduating college, coming to terms with my anxiety, losing my dad, struggling in my career, getting over someone I loved -- it's been rough but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I finally feel like I know who I am, my personal life is flourishing, my writing is coming together and I actually feel like an adult. It's all about the baby steps! There are still so many things I want to do in my twenties and hopefully, I can knock a few off the bucket list in the next year.

Getting older is scary but I'm trying to enjoy my life and not dwell on the past. The future is bright and I'm ready for it.

That's my birthday speech... the rest of the week was filled with anticipation for my birthday (because I'm still a 5-year-old) and a little bit of anxiety. That's normally how the week after Thanksgiving goes for everyone!

Today I'll be celebrating my birthday by doing some shopping, buying some Christmas gifts, treating myself to Wendy's and then having my family over for dinner and cake tonight!

On a different note, I've gotten a lot of PR over the past few months and I've been stockpiling it for a giveaway. I figured what better way to celebrate my birthday than with a giveaway to all of YOU?!

I have two beauty prize packs up for grabs and you can enter to win below! You can enter to win one or both!

Prize Pack #1

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Prize Pack #2

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Giveaway ends 12/7 so enter now! Good luck and thank you for always reading 
xoxo
B

I had a Weight Watchers Wednesday scheduled for today but truthfully, it's just the same stuff every month. My weight fluctuates every 3 weeks, I'm still stuck at this stupid plateau and even gained two pounds last week. I'm trying but failing and I almost don't want to discuss it because I'm so disappointed in myself.




Which is why I nixed that post and decided to do an old-fashioned wishlist. My 26th birthday is coming up in a little more than two weeks (November 30th), then Christmas, and there are a lot of things I want. I start making a birthday/Christmas list around September (when I was younger it used to be August LOL) and the list keeps changing.

I will most likely be getting money from my family members which I want to save (and splurge on a few items) for my birthday but my family doesn't like getting me money for Christmas so I always give out a little list. Also, as always I will be treating myself! I've had some purchases planned for a while and I'm ready to finally pull the trigger on some of them.



My #1 item that I will be buying is the Louis Vuitton Denim Shawl. I've wanted it for so long and looking at photos of people wearing it makes me so happy. I long to be that fabulous so maybe the scarf will spruce up any outfits I have.



Another Louis Vuitton item I really have been wanting forever is a bandeau. I really want to add an adorable, small scarf to my collection and in reality, they aren't that expensive. I will definitely be trying to pick this one up within the next few weeks!



I also really want a new bag... or two or three. But really, when don't I want a new bag? I will be picking up the Rebecca Minkoff Edie Flap Shoulder bag. I've wanted it since it came out a few months ago and I think it's the most gorgeous grey bag. I love the quilting and it reminds me of a beloved Chanel bag that I will never get so why not? Rebecca Minkoff is underappreciated in my collection and I really want to start loving her bags again!

Those are my three must-haves but everything else I have my eye on is below... you can assume that most of these are Kate Spade items because have you met me or read the blog?

Kate Spade Wishlist

What is on your wishlist this year?
xoxo
B

Another week is over, the first full week of December and we're one day closer to Christmas. Since I hit my twenties, I feel like Christmas has never felt like Christmas but I make the most out of it every year. I thought this year would feel different because I was REALLY looking forward to it, but I am feeling the same.

It just doesn't feel like Christmas. I don't feel like I'm in the Christmas spirit -- maybe because it's a little warmer than usual. I'm doing my best, watching Freeform 25 Days of Christmas & sitting by the Christmas tree, but I feel like I really need to focus on being in the Christmas mood.

Does anyone else feel like that?

The Newsette has a new website & it's so cool! Sign up here

Also, has anyone else been addicted to playing HQ? I'm in the middle of a game right now and I'm so competitive with myself. I've only gotten up to question 6 on all my games and I get so frustrated -- I just want to win!


Last weekend I went out for my 25th birthday and my goodness, was it a lot of fun. I also got very, very sick so you know it was a good time.



This week, Mercury went into retrograde and boy did I feel it. I've been getting more into astrology lately and I really like it, it's very calming and comforting.



Ok, I will stop rambling... here are my links for the week!

• Kylie is releasing concealers & I am READY
• I'm very curious about Hemp CBD capsules to help with my anxiety... 
• How to stay productive when working from home
• Gifts for the person who has a long commute... yes please! 
• The Harry Potter theories get better and better as the days go on... 
• Weight Watchers introduced Freestyle this week and I am so excited for it! Will report back! 
• If you haven't read my Weight Watchers article yet on POPSUGAR yet, go read it! 

Today I turn 25 years old.

That seems like an unreal age for me. I felt this way when I turned 13 years old, 16 years old, 18, 20, and 21. The past few birthdays have been uneventful but yet, here we are at another milestone.

For my last milestone birthday, I was in my senior year of college, ready to drink my face off for the next few months and just living life, however I wanted too. I had no responsibilities aside from sorority chapter and going to class, and I felt like I would never get off the high I was on.

Fast forward to now and I'm heading into my third year at my first full-time job, I'm living at home, single, and in need of more of a social life. I work a lot, blog a lot, and spend my money too frivolously.

It's no secret I had a rough few years; I transitioned out of college, adjusted to life at home, lost my dad, and have just been growing up. Now, I no longer can be classified as a silly twenty-something. I'm 25 years old. I'm a real adult with real responsibilities and it's time to start acting like it.

That may sound too harsh but I came to a realization a few weeks ago. I need to stop shopping, I need to make some big life changes, I need to put myself out there. It's time to buck up and get serious. I'm going to be 30 years old in five years and I'll be damned if I'm in the same place then.

I'm rambling a little bit but you get the picture. It's been a rough early twenties and I'm ready for a change. Maybe 25 is the change I need?

All that being said, I wanted to be a cliche blogger and break down for you some of the biggest lessons I've learned, almost all occurring within the last five years. Some will be long, others will be short but stick with me.



1. Stop waiting & just do it: I've been wanting to lose weight forever but I had my breaking point this summer and have lost 23 pounds so far. When you want to do something, there is no right time... just do it now. There is no better time than the present.

2. Spend the extra dollar: My friend Tyler said something a few years ago that stuck with me. "You can always earn more money"... while this isn't true for everyone, it's true for almost all of us. If you want that latte, just buy it. That $5 will fall back into your lap somehow.

3. Alone time is essential: I am a huge advocate for alone time and it's something I realize more and more. Spending time with yourself is the best way to learn about yourself. If you don't want to spend time with you, who will?

4. Step outside your comfort zone: Take the phone interview, cold email the company, take a risk -- it'll pay off in the end.

5. Get help when you need help: It's not weak to ask for help; if you have anxiety, go to a therapist and get medication (exactly what I did), if you need help at work, ask for it. No one will help you if you don't ask.

6. You 'fall out' with friends & find your way back: If your friend is really your friend, you will always fall back together. Your real friends will be there for you when you really need it and it'll mean more than you'll ever realize.

7. Timing is everything: If it's not the right time, it's not the right time. It'll all work out in the end, whether it's relationships, jobs, money, or friends.

8. Don't worry about others: Like I said in my blog post yesterday, I'm whimsical and don't care who knows it! I used to be embarrassed about sharing my blog with everyone I knew but now IDGAF and most of my friends read it! (HI!) Just do you, boo.

9. Do what is best for you: In the same breath, you have to take care of yourself and do what is right for you. If you can't go out on Friday night because your body is screaming, just stay home. If something is going to make you anxious to the point of sickness, don't do it. Just do you.

10. It is not the end of the world: Nothing is the end of the world; if you're not a doctor or lawyer, your work is just work. The fight with your friend won't last forever, and everything will pass. Nothing is the end of the world, there is always a solution.

11. Grief will hit you anytime, anywhere: On Thanksgiving, I cried my eyes out for about 10 minutes because I missed my dad. Other days I don't cry at all or even feel like crying. However, grief will hit you at weird times and you need to feel it; ride it out and let it consume you. It gets better every day.

12. Step away from the phone: Some days I wish I could delete all social media and throw my phone out a window. Sometimes it's good to disconnect and just be for a while.

13. If you don't like someone, stop talking: There is no room for negativity in your life. If someone rubs you the wrong way, you can just not talk to them. If you can't stand someone's social media posts, just unfollow them. It's simple and very liberating.

14. Keep a password keeper: This is more of a rational, easy to do item; download a password keeper app on your phone and store your passwords there. It's a lifesaver!

15. To do lists are king: Another rational item, keep a to-do list for everything. Whether it's on your phone or in a notebook, your life will be easier if you have a to-do list.

16. Life without passion is nothing: Find something you LOVE to do and stick to it. It doesn't have to be your job, although that is nice, find a hobby, a charity, something to dedicate yourself too. Don't come home after work and sit on the couch. Find a passion, your life will be better for it.

17. Don't compare yourself to others: A few of my friends have moved out and have had multiple jobs, they have boyfriends and are doing something big with their life. I don't feel ready to move out yet so I need to stop comparing myself to them. They're not better than me and vice versa so don't compare yourself to people you know or people on the internet.

18.  Heartbreak: You will get your heartbroken, more than once, and at times you will feel like you are drowning but I promise, you're not.Each day gets better and the world keeps turning. It's going to be ok.

19.  Learn to say no: At work, in your personal life, just learn the word no. Don't be a yes person, especially when it is inconvenient for you.

20. Family time is important: I have few regrets but one of them is not spending enough time with my dad while he was alive. Now I make sure to spend as much time with my mom and the rest of my family. It's more important than anything because you always have your family, even when you feel like you have nothing.

21. Understand what you like and don't like, and accept it: I was going to go out on Saturday for my birthday to a bar with some friends. I didn't want to do a brunch because I always do. Well, then I thought about it and I hate bars and hate going out at night. So I planned a brunch & I can't wait. Why would I try to pretend that's what I wanted to do when it wasn't? It's not about being different and stepping out of your comfort zone (for this) but if you like something and you'd rather do that, then do it!

22. Being kind is not hard: In today's world, we need all the kindness we can get. It's not hard to smile at someone, hold the door, or just be a good soul.

23. Research is your friend: I love research so much. Learn to look for the things you need; if you need to know how you'll react to a medicine, what questions to ask on an interview, or what kind of puppy you should adopt... just research it. The internet is there for the taking!

24. Bored? Do something!: My mom always asks me what I do every day because, after work, I'm always perched at my desk doing something. I don't like to be bored so I always find things to do, whether it's blogging, reading blogs, writing an article, or on Pinterest, I entertain myself because that's what I like to do to keep myself entertained.

25. Everything happens for a reason: I will probably get this tattooed on my body at some point in life. What is for you, will not pass you and there is a reason for everything. It's my motto, my mantra and what keeps me sane. I truly believe it too. There is a reason for everything, we just may not realize it yet.

Thank you all for reading, for being a follower and for letting me be me!

xoxo
B

PS: Enter my birthday giveaway! 



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Today is my last day of being 24 years old. I'm leaving my early twenties tomorrow and heading straight through into my mid-twenties.  I almost don't even want to admit how scared I really am because it sounds silly, but I've been in the middle of a quarter-life crisis since I was 20 years old and now that that term is actually real, it makes all my worries real too.

I have a post planned for tomorrow, dedicated to the things I learned in 25 years... whether I have 25 things or not on the list is yet to be determined but cross your fingers!

Before that post, I wanted to do a little giveaway post. It's been a hot minute since I've done a giveaway and I figured what better way to celebrate my birthday than by giving someone who reads my blog and makes this possible, something?

Now, this giveaway is by no means big but there is a little meaning behind it.

This weekend, my mom was talking about me and my personality and she described me as 'whimsical' -- she also said I was very easy to make fun of but that's beside the point.

I never thought I was 'weird' but when I got into college, a few of my friends described me as weird or nerdy, in the most loving way possible. When I started thinking about it, it's kind of true. It's hard to put into words but some things that I buy or do are just not what people in my life do, and maybe that's because I've been exposed to the blog world for so long and that's how I chose to live... as if I'm living life out to be written about.

I mean, no other 25-year-old girl in my life is decorating her room for each holiday and printing out new pictures to hang on her wall to go with a theme. No one else in my life insists on having Kate Spade headphones because they're cute or ordering a cell phone stand from Amazon just because it's cute and makes life a little easier.

I am whimsical and that is the best way to describe me and I'm really embracing it. Mind you, I never shied away from being who I am... I just didn't realize that there was a word for it.

Does any of this make sense?

Let me tie it up for you...



My giveaway winner will win a Snow White Macbook decal, just like the one I have on my Macbook. No one else I know has this or would think of putting it on their computer because it's just not them, ya know?

This sums me up perfectly though: technology, Disney, and all things fun and cute. What better way to celebrate my birthday?

Also, whoever wins will get a few makeup and skincare goodies from me! The giveaway lasts one week and you can enter below!

Thank you all for reading, commenting, and following along with me. I started this blog when I was 20 years old and it's been a great 5 years with all of you. Here's to 5 more!


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xoxo
B

It was a great week. A really fabulous, awesome week! I turned 23 years old on Monday and it was honestly one of the best birthdays in a while. It felt like my birthday for once, and my sister baked me cupcakes and I got the most adorable Kate Spade bag as a present from my mom.



The weekend was fun too -- I had a birthday brunch and all my best friends from college came and celebrated. It was good food, laughs, and endless amounts of mimosas.

Actually, now that I think about it, I haven't really "blogged" about life since before Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was fabulous and the entire weekend was really great. Food and family and a few birthday cakes is always a plus in my book.

I shopped a shit ton on Black Friday and throughout the weekend, and on Cyber Monday. I don't know if I'll blog about everything but I'm sure you will see my purchases here and there in reviews and monthly favorites. I already have some great posts planned for next week--it may be an entire beauty themed week but I've never done that and I have a lot of beauty products that I want to talk about.

Aside from having a great week (I also have off from work today, it's my mom's birthday, and my family is coming over to celebrate tonight), it was also my first time working Black Friday/Cyber Monday at a retail company. Working e-commerce on Cyber Monday was INSANE! I have never experienced anything like it but it was sort of thrilling. I'm a social media coordinator but help out with customer service so it was really crazy on Monday. It was really interesting though.

Alright, I'll stop babbling and here are my links I loved this week!



I've fallen into a book funk after reading/listening to some amazing ones. This is such a great list to go off of! 

It's officially December and it's time for Christmas movies!!!!! ELF is FOREVER my #1

I couldn't even get through this entire article. SPOILER ALERT: You will cry.

This was an eye opener. Happiness is within yourself

Carrie Bradshaw is life. She is always right, but especially here

Ready to turn your side hustle into a full time job? Yes please! Great advice here

I love reading about people's morning routines and the editor of Glitter Guide posted hers--nothing short of fascinating

Who better to take health and wellness advice from that the Editor-in-Chief of Self Magazine?

Stop sabotaging your skin in the A.M!

What did you love this week?? Happy weekend everyone!

Today I turn 23 years old and I can't believe we've come this far. I don't feel 23. I feel like I'm still 16. I don't feel like I can be considered an adult because I don't understand things like taxes or know how to control myself in aspects of shopping.

I still live at home and share a room with my sister. I don't feel like I commute into Manhattan everyday for my dream job, or that I have a boss or coworkers that count on me. I don't feel like I'm responsible enough to handle all of those responsibilities.

I still long for my college friends and my college campus. I still wear my sorority letters and reminisce about the fraternity mixers I attended.

I don't feel like I'm 23 years old but here we are.

With that being said, I do think I've grown and matured over the years, especially this past year. 22 was a really difficult year for me, in more ways than one. I struggled with money, adjusting to post grad, some personal woes, my anxiety, finding a job, accepting that I liked my job, and everything in between. It was not easy but I have come out on the other side and I think from here, the only way is up.

1. Communication is key: If something is bothering you, the best thing to do is talk about it. Whether you're mad at a friend, your mom, or someone else, it's important to let it out. I am known for talking things to death, because it makes me feel better, but it's extra important to face your concerns and go directly to the person you have a problem with. This sounds like common sense, but I used to let a lot of things go but now I try to face them head on.

2. No one will help you but yourself: This took a while for me to figure out. I have a lot of issues with anxiety, and it was affecting my life in so many ways. I was kind of waiting for something to happen for me to snap out of it but it didn't happen. My anxiety got worse and worse until I made the decision to fix it. I'm planning another post on this, more in depth, but I got myself on anti anxiety medication and honestly, I feel like a new person. I changed my life in the past few months and it's helped in such a huge way. No one will take care of you if you can't take care of yourself.

3. It's ok to say no: I had an issue with saying no to a lot of things; to plans, to helping someone out -- you name it! I realized this past year that if it isn't going to make me happy or if I am going to dread it, what is the point of doing it? I don't need to make excuses for something I don't want to do. I just need to say no. If it's not going to hurt the other person's feelings, or put them out, then I need to do what I need to do. I am the only one who can make myself happy so I need to do what is right for me.  This was a huge revelation for me and totally added to my happiness.

4. Think before you speak: Another common sense notion but something I really took to heart recently. I am a very emotional, act right now, type of person. If something was bothering me, I acted right then and there, purely on emotions. Afterwards, no matter the outcome, I felt like an idiot and knew I should've waited to say something. This could go against my "communication is key" philosophy but it's totally different. I'm talking about getting through the emotional stage before bursting out with whatever is on your mind. If you're acting out of emotion, you are not thinking clearly and you may feel differently once you calm down. Thinking and processing your emotions before speaking or acting will make a huge difference in all relationships.

5. Treat yourself: This is my big philosophy, clearly because I'm a shopacholic but I don't mean buying yourself something every week. I'm talking about little treats. If you're having a bad day, or you know the day will be stressful do things to make life a little easier and sweeter. Buy yourself that expensive latte, or have a nice big breakfast or lunch. My thing is always if I had a stressful day at work, I'll treat myself to taking the express bus home rather than the subway. It's the little things in life-- I am a firm believer in that.

6. Good friends: Good friends will always be there, no matter what. I savor my friendships where I could not see or talk to someone for weeks and we pick up right where we left off. I think that speaks volumes of how you feel about each other, and I've really cherished that. This may not be something I learned, but in a way it is. I learned that you don't need to talk to someone every day to have a connection. Your friends are your friends, forever.

The last lesson that I live by?

How is it mid November? How is Thanksgiving next week? How is my birthday in less than 2 weeks? Time is flying by and I don't like it one bit.

Top: Lipgloss, Middle: Cheek Stain, Bottom: Lip tint