In 2016, my dad passed away and my world was changed forever. When I think about it, nothing has ever felt the same, felt as happy, or as good as it did before 2016. The one thing that definitely didn't feel the same was the holidays, or any celebration, including my birthday.
At the beginning of this year, my family was dealt with another hard card when my aunt passed away and we've been dreading the holiday season ever since January. It's also the first holiday season I'm single in a few years, so there is loss all around because loss doesn't just mean death.
I've been thinking about this post for a while and in a way, this is the perfect year to talk about it. We're all going to be celebrating the holiday differently and you might find some comfort in having to deal with your loss in this vastly different holiday season rather than if everything was merry and bright.
These are the tools that have worked for me over the years when it comes to celebrations and the holiday season. I'm not an expert nor am I a doctor but wanted to just offer advice to anyone who needs it. I am also someone who loves the holiday season, despite everything, so I am pretty good at dusting myself off and powering through... if you are not that kind of person, please don't take offense to any advice offered.
Days Leading Up to the Holiday
Let Yourself Feel
The first Thanksgiving without my dad, I woke up crying. I could cry thinking about it now. I cried for the majority of the day and would sneak away into my room to sit and cry, thinking about how everything was different and how much I missed him.
I think my mistake was trying to make the day feel normal. I did all my normal things: woke up, had coffee, snuggled up to watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade but at some point, it hit me that nothing was normal and that I was suppressing my feelings.
Your feelings are valid, always remember that, but when it comes to personal loss, your feelings are more than valid -- they're raw and real and warranted. In the days leading up to the holiday, let yourself feel those emotions. Try your best to not push them down or distract yourself... feel them and let yourself cry. Throw a tantrum, scream into a pillow and let it all out. You will feel so much better afterward and it is your gateway into 'normalcy'.
Write It Out
I'm working on another post dedicated to journaling but wow, writing out your feelings really does wonders. When I'm feeling down about my grief, I write it in my journal. I might frame it as a letter or just let out my frustration about how they aren't here anymore.
Honor Your Loved One
I like to take a few personal moments to honor my dad (and this year, my aunt). Whether that's just saying a prayer, talking out loud to them, or wearing something that reminds me of them, it helps me feel close to them and helps me channel my grief in a physical way.
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| My dad & I |
On the Actual Day
Focus on Something You Enjoy
Take Time Away from the Celebration
Don't Retreat
What I Don't Do
If you are someone who does not want to talk about your lost loved one, make that known, or just remove yourself from the situation. Don't feel embarrassed or guilty for not wanting to talk about them on a day you want to try to keep upbeat and happy. It is your right as a grieving person to deal with how you see fit.
