Today I want to talk about what everyone is talking about, what people can't seem to stop talking about, and with very good reasoning. Quarantine and the entire pandemic has been incredibly stressful, rough, sad, anxiety-inducing, and heartbreaking. There are so many emotions that come along with being stuck in the house, life being on pause, and knowing that the reason is that people are dying at a rapid rate.
When this all started back in mid-February, I really didn't think it would get to this point. I didn't think it was that serious and I don't think a lot of people did. I've been working from home since March 13th, my vacations have gotten canceled & my friends' weddings are no longer happening. I've had family members die, I know others who have died, it's just so sad and upsetting.
As someone who struggles with daily anxiety, I have been handling it pretty well. I don't mind being inside, I like working from home, I've been working out more, reading more, writing more -- I feel like I have a grasp on things. To sound completely selfish, I think quarantine came at a good time for me. I had just gotten broken up with by my boyfriend of almost two years, without warning so having something else, like the world ending, to be anxious about and occupy myself with, helped. It also helped that my routine has been completely broken and no one is allowed out of their houses, meaning that I could wallow in myself without feeling the pressure to 'get back out there'. It worked out for me but only in the confines of my mind.
As someone with anxiety, you are constantly trying to imagine the worst. You are waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something to happen to make your anxious dreams come true. This is what all the anxious people have been waiting for, in a weird way. This is the worst thing to happen in our lifetime so it's like our minds were preparing us for it the entire time.
As an introvert, I thrive in my alone time and I feel like I'm getting to know myself better, to work things out in my head, without distraction, without routine. I'm not saying that during a global pandemic I'm thriving because I'm not... it's just weird how I'm feeling. It feels like I've adjusted to what life is like now and that is almost more concerning for me. I'm more nervous for things to go back to normal... or whatever our new normal might look like.
While I don't have day to day anxiety, when I think about what's happening and I think about the people who don't believe this is real, I get irrationally angry. I think anger has been my main emotion during this entire thing... I'm so angry at everyone who thinks they are above the rules. I'm petrified about a recession or a depression, about the jobs loss and the companies shutting down. I'm nervous & angry about what the world is going to look like after this.
The days blur together, weekends mean nothing, and I miss my friends and my family. I miss being able to go to Target when I please and browse the aisles, I miss making plans, but in the same breath, my life, no matter if there was a pandemic or not was going to look different during these months because of the breakup. I'm not that self-centered but in my mind, this is how I'm dealing with it and looking at it.
What I've learned during this quarantine is that life is very short. I knew that I knew it was short but life can truly change at the drop of a hat, not even when it comes to death. Things can close, people are ripped away from you, and plans that have been years in the making are suddenly on hold. Just because something has never happened, like live sports being shut down, doesn't mean it won't ever happen.
I think we need to remember to take things day by day. Life is not normal right now and we cannot plan for the future; for a lot of us, that is very stressful and brings up a lot of bad habits & uneasy feelings. We need to care for ourselves and for our well beings because there is nothing else we can do. This is completely out of our control so we must try to control what we can... in a healthy way, of course.
Two quotes have been helping me through this and I try to repeat them as a mantra of sorts. Silver linings are all around us, so if we could find something positive to anchor ourselves too, we will be ok.
How are you doing right now? Let's chat in the comments!
xoxo
B
B
Add your comment