First Time Dating Series, Vol 3: Communication

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It is time for another installment of the first time dating series! This month we're tackling the ever confusing and frustrating topic of communication.

I remember when I first realized that men and women are inherently different. It was 2015, I was listening to Bethenny Frankel's book "I Suck At Relationships So You Don't Have Too" and was in a bad place with my pseudo-relationship. I was looking for anything to wake me up and instill some wisdom in me.

One of the main messages in the book was that men and women are different in a lot of ways but are very different when it comes to communication and thinking. It was at that moment that I realized that maybe sometimes people aren't being rude on purpose, it's just that you expect everyone to communicate the way you do but that is not the case.

Everyone, man and women, communicate differently and it's our job to learn how people in our lives communicate and tailor it to what you're comfortable with.

Communication is obviously a huge part of any relationship but especially romantic relationships and to me, communication is the most important thing. I think it is because it's my love language -- I like to talk and be reassured verbally of the relationship. That is definitely because, in my past pseudo-relationship, I didn't get that at all.

It's important to me that I'm told that I'm cared for but also that someone is responding to me. Whether it is verbally, by text or phone calls, I need to have written/verbal confirmation of something.

However, in my current relationship, it is incredibly different.



At the beginning of our relationship, my boyfriend made it pretty clear that he is not a phone person. He doesn't like to text, he isn't on social media, and can pretty much go days without touching his phone. Because of this, we don't talk a ton during the week. I can go a few days without talking to him and that is totally ok! I've always been a big believer that you don't have to talk to someone daily to have a relationship, whether that is platonic or romantic.

As I mentioned before, previously, I was in a place where I wanted to talk every day because it was reassuring to me. I felt that if he was talking to me, he wasn't talking to anyone else; if he wasn't talking to me, then he was mad at me or going to break up with me. I needed him to always talk to me, I need to be reassured.

That isn't the case now! If I don't talk to my boyfriend for a few days, I know that it's not because he doesn't want to talk to me, or because he's mad at me... it's because that's just not his style and in turn, it's become my style. I don't necessarily have anything to say to someone every single day. Sometimes I don't even want to talk to my mom, sister or friends. Most days, especially lately, I just want to be left alone so it's been working out!

I am so secure with my relationship that the idea of not talking every day doesn't bother me, and because when we're together, we connect so much better! We have so much to talk and laugh about, it's so refreshing. However, most weeks we will have a phone conversation to catch up and that's really nice.

Just because we don't talk constantly doesn't mean we don't communicate... we just communicate better in person than over technology! It works for us and that is the best part of relationships --you do what is best for you and your significant other. My friends and family think it's really weird but it works and I love that.

When I say communication I mean talking about life, interests, catching up but I also mean telling each other when something is bothering you. If he did something that bothered me the wrong way, I'll tell him. A few weeks ago I was feeling pretty nuts and told him that I was feeling insecure and he reassured me that things were ok. Being able to be comfortable in a relationship where you can talk about anything you are feeling is so important and it makes me so happy to be able to do that.

As long as you're communicating in the best way for both of you, then what is wrong with that? Communication is probably the 2nd most important thing to me, other than trust because without communicating, what do you have? Nothing.

What is your advice for communicating in a relationship?
xoxo
B

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