I have expressed my love for Bethenny Frankel on the blog before and with her return to Real Housewives of New York this season, the love has not gone anywhere.
That love was further reinstated when I listened to her newest book "I Suck At Relationships So You Don't Have To". I was weary of listening to this only because I didn't know what to expect. I thought it was all about warning signs and maybe some stuff I couldn't relate too. There were definitely some things that I couldn't grasp because I've never been married (nor have I had an ACTUAL boyfriend) and I surely haven't been divorced but the nonetheless, this was an extremely helpful book.
Listening to Bethenny read you the book is even better. Hearing her voice and hearing everything explained to you seems so much better than just reading about it. I feel like I was able to absorb a lot of the information a whole lot better.
The book is set up into 10 chapters, each chapter a different "tip". Throughout the book, Bethenny's therapist puts his own input in, and either contradicts what Bethenny says or agrees with her. If you've followed Bethenny's journey and know her well, you know she can be hard on herself and is very strongly opinionated so having her therapist offer his advice was an added bonus.
A lot of people may not agree with what Bethenny says, a lot of it puts down men and simplifies them down to sex, sports, food, and work... but I mean, there's some truth there.
In my opinion, Bethenny does no wrong and I truly trust her opinion--she is hands down one of my role models, for her business success, but also I feel like we are similar in a lot of ways so I can really relate to her (even if she is 20 years older than me).
I'll be honest, I listened to this book over a month ago so I don't remember everything but it is one of the most valuable books I've ever had come into my life. When I would listen on the train, I would have to stifle a smile because everything I was hearing was SO true! It was amazing...it was like having an epiphany every single time I listened to the book.
A lot of the book may be lessons you already know about relationships, some may not apply to you, and some you may not agree with but I have to say, Bethenny knows what she's talking about. She has a firm grip on the subject and uses her own relationships as examples.
A few things stuck out to me the most, some of which were repeated the most in the book, were this.
1. Men & women are drastically different: What is important to a woman may not be important to a man. We think differently, we express emotions differently, we want and need different things. We are total opposites. While you, as a woman, may think something is a huge deal, your boyfriend won't even know that was a "thing." This isn't bashing men, because maybe some men are more sensitive than others, but the way Bethenny explains it is just so true.
2. Stop overthinking: Women are natural over-thinkers and we create scenarios up in our head. We convince ourselves that these scenarios are true and we get mad because we have convinced ourselves that these scenarios are true. Sometimes, we expect people to react a certain way because we have convinced ourselves that they will, then we get upset/mad or are pleasantly surprised when that person reacts differently from what is in our head. I do this in all aspects of life and to listen to Bethenny say this is natural for women, made me feel better. I mean, we should still all try to not to do this but we're all in the same boat which is reassuring.
3. Think & breathe before you act: Have you ever seen something that has made you so irrationally mad that you need to take care of it right then and there? Raise your hand if this is you! (*raising hand*). Have you ever wanted to just fix something you're upset about and not let it sit and fester? (*raising two hands*). When I'm upset, I need it to be fixed immediately. I don't like to sit and think about it for too long because I just make myself more upset and more angry. Women are fixers and we like to get shit done immediately. When we see a problem, we want immediate results. Men aren't like this, some women aren't even like this, but then again, some are. Bethenny recommends waiting one day before approaching the problem. Think rationally, let it sit, think about all the possibilities. Don't just unleash a world of anger and emotion all at once. Think about what the problem is and approach that one issue--don't lump your problems together and unleash a rath of fury. Take some time to get your emotions in check. Never fight when you're emotional.
There were so many other amazing lessons in the book, I can't remember them all, but those three are what I related to the most and I think I will keep them with me for a long time.
I would HIGHLY recommend this to EVERYONE. Seriously, if you're just starting out dating, just getting out of a relationship, in between boyfriends, or in a serious, committed relationship--everyone and anyone I think could get some enlightenment and advice from this book.
Have you read this book? Any other relationship books you have read and loved? Tell me in the comments!