January 21, 2014

Last First Day

This is it. My last first day of school. After today, I will never have a first day of school...ever again. I'll never open a fresh notebook, never get a new syllabus, never find my perfect seat or have to introduce myself in front of a class.

Are you depressed yet? I am.

After 16 years of school, it's all over. Just like that, they take it away from you and they give you no explaination. Your security blanket is being slowly ripped away from your arms and there is nothing you can do about it.

I wrote about senior year a few months ago when the first semester started. Now, now, it's really the end. This is really it. I have only a few months left of my college career and then I'm an adult.

I don't feel nearly ready enough to be considered an adult. I'm 21 years old, I don't even know what my favorite TV show is, you really expect me to go find a job to go to everyday? I don't like ordering pizza on the phone, how am I supposed to go on a job interview?


I wasn't nearly as sad in August as I am right now. That's because back in August I knew I still had so much time. Now, it's January and time is slowly ticking away. I feel the clock inside my head going off every minute, telling me that it's almost over, telling me that my time is almost up.

This is the start of ALL the real lasts. My last first day, my last first night, my last recruitment, my last formal, my last day...graduation. I could cry thinking about...I am actually crying thinking about it.

People don't really understand, unless you've experienced it. Being away at college is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I met people I never would've met otherwise. I did things I never would've done. I became the person I was meant to be. College created me, it made me who I am and I will never be able to fully express how incredible that feeling is.

I left home at 17 and lived on my own. I made my own rules. I was a shy, quite reserved girl and sometimes I still am, but going away to college and doing my own thing forced me outside my comfort zone. I remember the first night in my freshmen dorm room; we were all so scared. Why did I do this? Why did I think this was a good idea? I can't do this! Who am I? 

If I could tell that girl anything I'd tell her to relax and just enjoy it because soon enough, it'll all be over. 

Iona College changed me, it made me a different person and gave me qualities, gave me a personality that never would've happened otherwise.

And now, I'm expected to leave a place I've called home, a place of comfort and familiarity and never turn back. How am I supposed to leave this place? I can't even imagine my life without Iona and all my Gaels. I guess I need to start though because in a few months, that's what's going to happen.

How am I supposed to leave behind the good times, wild nights, the drunken cries and 3 am diner calls; the sweet smell of sticky Beechmont floors, Western Wednesdays, Bid Night, fireball shots, singing American Pie and Timber, Specs Saturdays, chapter meetings, fraternity mixers, 8am classes, pledge class lunches and student government meetings. 

It's all so scary and as I embark on my last first day of school, I don't know how I'm going to handle it all. 

Stay tuned kids, I'm sure I'll figure it out.


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