Last January I wrote this post about why I quit WW (weight watchers) after 4 years. After a few months of tracking calories, seeing a nutritionist, and trying to do things on my own, I decided to go back to WW. Maybe all I needed was a little break to see that WW is really helpful to me, even if I'm not consistently losing weight. WW keeps me on track, my portions small and it helps me feel a little more in control.

That being said, I haven't lost weight in a while and it was really frustrating. WW switched their plans a few months ago to something called Personal Points where everyone's plans are different. There are more zero-point foods, you gain points for eating vegetables, exercising, and drinking 60oz of water. I thought the new plan was going to help me lose weight but I didn't see much change in a few weeks before the holidays came sneaking upon us. 

I don't weigh myself during the holidays and it was such a relief to free myself of that chore. It made me feel lighter in a way, to not have to give myself an anxiety attack once a week. When I would get on that scale and see that the number went in the opposite direction of what I was hoping, I got severely depressed. 

Every Friday when I would wake up and weigh myself, I would send myself into a spiral. I would cry, make myself sick and just beat myself up about something that I was trying to control but really couldn't. I was eating right and exercising but the numbers weren't moving...though, I didn't mind how I looked. I felt good but when I would see the number, it was like it was telling me I shouldn't feel good because I was putting in all of this work and the scale wasn't budging.

That's when I figured out that no one was making me weigh myself. I could still eat right, exercise, and feel good without weighing myself every week. That thought made me excited; why was I torturing myself willingly? No one was forcing me to do this to myself on a weekly basis so could I just stop? 

That concept seemed so foreign to me; could I just stop weighing myself? Would the world still continue to move? Would I start binge eating because the scale wasn't holding me accountable anymore? 

The last time I weighed myself was early December and since then, I've been taking measurements of my body because I have always lost inches versus actual pounds. I've lost a few inches across various parts of my body since then and my clothes fit just the same, so I haven't let myself go completely.

I'm still on WW but am also counting calories, making sure that my sodium and carbs are low, and working out daily. I feel good and every week I don't send myself into an anxious, depressive spiral because of a number that means nothing.

Truly, think about it: the number on the scale means zero about you as a person. Weight doesn't even properly represent health anymore so why was I doing this? Just to say I lose X amount of pounds? As long as I continue to take care of my physical health, my clothes still fit and I like how I look, what does the number actually matter? It doesn't represent me so I've chosen to just stop weighing myself.

It has allowed me less restrictions because I don't feel like I need to starve myself on a Thursday night to make sure I'm at a low weight on Friday. I don't really binge on the weekends anymore and find that I have more balance throughout my days. 

The most important part of this entire journey is that I do not get anxious, overwhelmed or depressed every Friday. I don't feel nervous about my weight and I don't feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest whenever I step on the scale. It feels so freeing and I wish I had come to this epiphany a little sooner to save myself a lot of headaches.

This post was a really long winded way of saying that you are not your weight, you are not what is on the scale and that number does not matter. What matters is your health and how you feel. Throw away the scale and give yourself some freedom back.


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