Yesterday, I had the pleasure of attending Iona's graduation of the Class of 2015 to see my little, my sorority sisters, and countless friends close their chapter & begin a new one. It was very surreal, to be there, not in a cap & gown, and not be as emotional as I was last year.
It was very weird but very exciting because I knew that my sisters would be just fine. Last year, I didn't believe anyone when I said that I'd be fine but now, it was like I knew a secret that my younger sisters didn't.
Aside from that, it was truly an amazing day. Watching these girls I've known since they were freshmen & sophomores become these beautiful adults who have the entire world in front of them, I felt like a proud mom. It was also just amazing and so much fun to be with all my friends.
One of my best friends said it best, "I feel alive when I'm here." And it's so true... I never feel more myself or more alive than I do when I am in my element with all my best friends, my Gaels.
And with that, we have come full circle.
I've realized something over the past few weeks... I will never be over not being a college student. While I may not cry, may not dwell on it everyday, but I will always miss Iona and I will always be sad that that part of my life is over, and has been over for a year.
I don't feel like an adult. I may have a full time job (a dream job at that), I may have great friends and family, and a good life but I do not feel like an adult. I thought getting a job would make everything better but I've realized I need a lot more to be fulfilled.
What I need to be fulfilled, I don't know. Who I am, I don't know. That my friends, is a scary thought.
I'm in a much better place than I was 6 months ago, that is for sure. I've dealt with my anxiety, I know my triggers, I know how to be a more positive person, I know how to think more clearly, I know how to handle situations better than ever before.
This time last year, I would've had to be hospitalized over the fact that I had less than 24 hours to prepare for a business trip to Chicago... the first time I was ever on a plane alone. I could've never done that last year but my experiences in my first year of post-grad have helped immensely.
I've learned a lot this year... I've learned that some people will walk out of your life, with no explanation, I've learned that you can rekindle old friendships you never thought would live again, I've learned that if people don't understand you, they will try to bring you down with negativity, and I've learned that you are the only person who can make yourself happy.
No one else is accountable for your happiness so you must surround yourself with positive people. Just because someone doesn't approve of something, doesn't make it wrong. If you are happy and you know in your gut that it is okay, then do it.
I've learned that you have to make your own mistakes, you need to see life for yourself.
Am I still a little lost? Yes, but I think that comes with being in your twenties. I'll probably always be a little lost until I feel 100% settled.
I have to remember to have faith that fate is on my side. Everything is happening the way it's supposed too, everything happens for a reason, I can handle anything God and the universe throws at me, and I just really need to remember that my life will come together eventually.
So far, so good though...
I just have to keep trekking through and come to realize that everything will fall into place.
I will figure it out eventually but I have my shit together a lot more than I did a few months ago, which is always a plus.
I've finally fallen into a routine and I'm not completely pooped when I come home from work or on the weekends anymore so blogging should get back to normal, I'll be able to have a social life, and get my life back--fight the exhaustion!
To find out where I was a year ago, read my Letter to my 17-Year Old Self-- one of my proudest, most emotional blog posts to date.
Thank you all for reading, for commenting, for giving advice, and sticking with me through the craziest, scariest, transition of my life (so far!)