August 13, 2013

Part One of My Quarter Life Crisis

If you've been paying any attention to the media these days, you would have noticed that there is something people just CANNOT stop talking about. There's at least one article on the topic floating around the internet at any given point, there have been shows based off the concept, and books written about it.

Women in their 20s.

Think about it. Women in their 20s has been the hottest topic of conversation lately and no one can stop. It's like word vomit. Lena Dunham has made a career and won her Golden Globes by telling people that being a women in their 20s, trying to figure out where you're going in life, is hard work.

For the past few years I have been anxiously listening and waiting to hit the magic number 20. I have wondered what the hell everyone was complaining about. What is so hard about being in your 20s? How could be more difficult than being a teenager?

Well, it is. It's more difficult in different ways.

It clicked for me while reading this month's issue of Glamour where an article somewhere mentioned women in their 20s and I kind of just got it.

I have been 20 years for the past nine months and I think my mind knows it because I have been more confused and flustered during these past nine months than I was throughout all my teenage years.

With being 20 years old, you are learning how to walk on your own for the first time; you're stumbling, falling, and trying to get up, like a new born baby deer. This is the first time you have to figure out things on your own and it's really tough.

Last week I was having a really bad anxiety attack over making such a small, trivial decision but one that could eventually affect my career. I was seeking comfort from my mom and she said "Briana, I am not making this decision for you."

It hit me like a brick in the face.

This is it; this is my life. I am completely on my own. Of course my mom, my family, my friends will always be there to comfort me but I am the leader of my own life. I am not a child anymore and I have to grow up, make decisions for myself: the easy choices and the difficult ones.

I am leaving for my senior year of college this week and I don't want to talk about it. The thought of having this be my last year of college scares the crap out of me. This is my last year of being a kid, of doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. It's my last year of school, the last time I'll sit in a classroom and learn from professors. 

This is the last year I could go out on a Tuesday night just because I feel like it. After this, I will be an adult. I need to get my act together; I can't just skip a day of work to relax and hang with my friends, like I could skip a day of class. 

I need to grow up. I'm not going to be able to (excuse my French) fuck around anymore. I realized that this week and it scared me more than anything in my life.

It's a scary transition, heading into adulthood. I don't know how I'm going to do. There is no handbook for us women who are going through this transition. There are so many things that I need to learn and so many things that are unknown to me. 

Sometimes I wish I could skip the scariness of my twenties and leap straight to be a well, though out adult who has every hair in proper place but I know that that would be no fun.



I tried to set up a new bank account last week and talking to the branch manager literally felt like I was in a different country. I had not a clue what she was talking about. If I can't set up a bank account, how am I going to do anything else? 

I am definitely scared for what is to come. I've never been good with transitions; elementary school to high school, high school to college--those are nothing compared to what I will be experiencing within the year.

In the next year, I'm going to (hopefully) move out of my house, get a real person job, and start a life of my own, not under my parent's roof or in a college dorm. I will be facing my dreams head on and is there really anything scarier than putting yourself on the edge and either getting everything you've always wanted or being disappointed?

I've been dealing with this all summer, this anxiety and panic over entering my last year of school and embarking on the true, adult life. I've finally accepted it.

Every cloud has a silver lining as Abby Hayes once told me and it's true. With the anxiety over your 20s comes new experiences and exciting adventures. I'm excited to live through my 20s and not know what's to come. I'm excited to be the fabulous 20-something I've always dreamed of.

The title of this post says "Part 1" because I'm sure that within the next year or two, I will showcase more of my quarter life crisis and the struggles of being a young 20 something so stay tuned.

I shall close the post with a quote from my idol, Carrie Bradshaw:

"Your 20s are for enjoyment, your 30s to learn the lessons, and your 40s, to pay for the drinks."



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