March 2, 2015

My Greatest Fears


I've had this type of blog post written down for a good few months. I don't know why, I must've seen a blog post of similar type and thought it was a good idea. 

Every time this popped up on my editorial calendar, I moved it around because I wasn't "in the mood" to write it. I knew it was a post I'd have to think about and sometimes, I'm too lazy to do so.

Well, I decided to stop putting it off and just take the leap.

I'm someone who is afraid of a lot of things; tangible things that can actually happen, not really the "I'm afraid of never succeeding" fear. I mean, I have those fears too but I figured I'd mix both types in the post.

Being someone who has anxiety, I fear a lot of things. Ever since I was little, I've been so nervous, about everything and anything. I've obviously gotten a lot better as I've gotten older and experienced more of the world outside of my little Queens neighborhood but still, I'm the person who is always cautious about everything.

My therapist (and everyone else who knows me) says I catastrophize everything so it definitely relates to what I'm afraid of. 



I'll stop rambling and get right into it.

1. Bridges: I used to close my eyes when my parents would drive over a bridge. When I started driving, I got over the fear but I always speed over because I'm terrified. I don't like the idea of driving over water and I always picture the bridge falling down. Probably because of the news and reports on bridges around the country collapsing. See what I mean about catastrophizing everything?

2. Walking alone (especially at night): I'm not the only one who is afraid of walking alone; I'd say this is a common fear, especially for women, which is really sad. When I was in school and would walk home from the bar, I would RUN. Like I'm not kidding when I say I sprinted home if I was alone. Even if I was with my roommates, I'd always walk faster than them. If I saw a strange person or car, I'd purposely take a different way home so I didn't have to pass it. Even now, when I'm at home in my childhood neighborhood, I hate walking into my house at night. My thoughts get the best of me and I think really bad things. 

3. Paranormal: This goes for everything related to the paranormal. It may sound super silly but things like ghosts, demons, etc scare the shit out of me. If there's a scary movie coming out that is related to the paranormal, I mute the commercials if I'm about to go to sleep and they come on television. I can't talk about the paranormal because I'll think about it right before I go to sleep and my mind gets the best of me. It really freaks me out.

4. Small, crowded spaces: Elevators, crowded buses and subways, etc... any place that is flooding with people but in general is really small, scares the crap out of me. I'm prone to panic attacks because I'm claustrophobic and I've had my fair share of attacks while in crowded spaces. The best is when I went to the Yankees World Series Parade in 2009, got separated from my dad, and had a full blown panic attack the lobby of a Bank of America because the streets were flooding with people. #CoolBri. Yeah so no small spaces for me.

5. Small animals: Mice, ferrets, skunks, any sort of rodent scares the crap out of me. I know they're small but they're so sneaky and slinky. Ugh I hate them and if anyone even says the word "mouse" I freak out. Side note, I'm petrified of cats as well.

6. Not getting my shit together: I just want a stable life, doesn't everyone? I'm scared of never pursuing my dreams, never really finding my place and calling in the world. I'm scared of not being who I want to be or who I think I have the potential to be. I'm scared of not having enough money, I'm scared of failing... just like everyone else is I'd assume.

I'm sure there are a lot more things that scare me but honestly, these are the biggest ones that were on the top of my head.

What are you afraid of? Tell me in the comments so I don't feel alone! 


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